


Tap, Tap, Tap

by floraldrizzle



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Eventual Alana Beck/Zoe Murphy, F/F, Lesbian Alana Beck, Sensory Overload, alana beck has adhd, alana beck has anxiety, angst at the beginning but it gets soft, anxiety attack, background treebros if i feel like it, galaxy gals is underrated, i love alana!, this started with me projecting onto alana but it turned gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 18:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16434233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floraldrizzle/pseuds/floraldrizzle
Summary: In which Alana represses her loneliness even further and is startled by someone from her psych class





	Tap, Tap, Tap

**Author's Note:**

> ive been thinking about alana a lot recently. i’ll leave it at that.
> 
> tw: uhh..paranoia? i guess? she’s worried, she’s stressed, she feels alone, uh, normal deh stuff, so,
> 
> it takes place during junior year btw so before canon (which i am absolutely throwing to the wind. connor lives)…i threw in some zoe too
> 
> another thing from tumblr i liked enough to post! might be adding more chapters if this gets positive feedback...

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Alana’s fingers kept making that same sound every time she refreshed something on her phone.

Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. Nothing.

She had arrived to school twenty six minutes before first bell, as always. Normally, there was at least one person she knew from a class in the library with her, but now, there was only some couple making out in a corner and a kid with the volume on her headphones up so high she could hear her music from ten feet away.

**No new notifications.**

Okay, okay. That was fine. Everyone was probably busy anyway, who was she kidding? She set her phone face down on the table.

Alana leafed through her schedule quickly. She had a debate club meeting at lunch. Psych quiz third period. She had already studied for that last night, it was fine. To be honest, she was absolutely exhausted from staying up so late, but she pushed it to the back of her mind. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

Suddenly, her phone buzzed on the table. Excitedly, she scrambled to pick it up and flip it over.

**1 new notification**  
Messages  
Mama  
Hi honey :-) Good luck on that test today! I packed 2 cookies in your lunch today! Love you!!

Alana tried to ignore the way her heart sagged when she saw the message. Of course it was just a text from her mom.

She quickly typed out a “thanks, love you too” before setting her phone down again. Of course it was just her mom. The only person that seemed to even notice her. _Of course._

The couple was still making out in the corner making out in the corner. Loud music kid’s music was still just as loud.

Without realizing what she was doing, her phone was in her hand again.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

What was she even doing? Trying to look busy? She could be doing so many other things that were much more productive than aimlessly refreshing her notifications.

Loud music kid and making out couple didn’t seem to realize she was there. She could easily stand up and leave and they wouldn’t notice.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

What was the point of her refreshing things? Nothing was going to pop up. No one was going to care if she posted anything. Okay, stop it.

Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. Nothing.

Nothing. That was all that everything came down to, wasn’t it?

Nothing means anything in the long run. So why did it mean so much to her that no one was liking her posts?

Or sending her a direct message?

Or texting her?

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Why did she care so much about this? It didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter that people called her a teacher’s pet when they thought she wasn’t looking.

It didn’t matter that she regretted signing up for so many clubs.

It didn’t matter that she had let go of the idea of getting enough sleep six months ago.

It didn’t matter that she always asked teachers for extra work to do and hated herself for it at the end of the day.

It didn’t matter that she heard people calling her annoying.

It didn’t matter that no one even noticed her in the halls.

It didn’t matter, nothing mattered, no one cared, nothing mattered-

“Hey, are you okay?”

Alana jumped as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She hadn’t even realized music kid had walked over to her and was now sitting in the chair next to hers.

“W-What?”

“You’re um. You’re crying? You were having trouble breathing or something?” Music kid looked concerned. Alana brought a hand up to her cheek, surprised when she felt tears.

“Oh! Yeah, I’m just… I’m okay.” Alana insisted.

Music kid wasn’t convinced.

There was an awkward moment of silence between them.

“Hey, uh, I think you’re in my psych class? I’m Zoe.” Music kid, no, Zoe finally spoke up again.

“Oh yeah! I’m Alana.” She cracked a practiced smile.

Zoe nodded a little. “That’s a pretty name.” She commented, returning the smile with one that looked much more genuine.

“Thank you. Yours is too.” She was taken aback by the compliment. No one had ever said something like that to her before.

It was at this time that Alana realized that music kid was pretty. Very, very pretty. Her hair was golden brown. She had a light dusting of freckles on her face, her clothes were nice-

She was just conventionally attractive, that was all.

“Here, if you ever want to talk?” Zoe reached into her back to pull out a piece of paper, scribbling down her number.

Alana was dumbfounded for a moment. Someone just gave her their number _voluntarily_. Without her even asking them for it in the first place.

“Cool! We can study for psych together some time if you want?” She offered, breaking out of her trance.

“That would be awesome. I only understand, like, half of what Mr. D. is saying.” Zoe grinned.

“I can help you out then. Maybe we can eat lunch together? The quiz is right after, so…”

“Sounds good!” A beat. “Hey, um, you can talk to me if you… feel stressed, or, whatever was going on earlier. If you want to. I won’t press.”

Alana was speechless again. Absolutely no one in her entire life had said anything even remotely that kind to her. Ever.

“That’s. That’s really nice of you, thank you.”

“No problem. I uh, gotta go find my brother, but I’ll see you at lunch?” Zoe stood up.

“Yeah, definitely.” Alana smiled. Zoe gave her a little wave as she exited the library.

She looked down at Zoe’s number sitting in front of her. She had drawn a little heart after it.

Oh my god. Alana might as well have curled up and died.

She added the number to a new contact, immediately sending it a text to check if it was the right number or not.

She got a response almost immediately, for once.

That felt nice.

 

 

 


End file.
